(10/23/23) It's Asexuality Awareness Week!
When consuming media, romantic and/or sexual attraction are everywhere.
From children’s television, to rom-coms, to magazines, books, and social networks… everything we read or listen to is rooted in assumed heteronormativity*. Heteronormativity is the expectation that everyone is straight and that all other sexualities are abnormal. When looking at the queer media that is available to us, we oftentimes see storylines that are inaccurate, tokenizing, or unbelievably depressing. For the asexual*/aromantic* (ace/aro) community, representation is nearly nonexistent. And as a result, this real and valid identity is erased, misunderstood, marginalized, and dehumanized.
Like all sexualities, asexuality is a huge spectrum. There should be room for experimentation and fluidity as we form our identities (which can in and of themselves be fluid!). Asexuality is not the same thing as celibacy. With celibacy, folks make a choice not to engage in sexual activities. They may have any type of attraction and still choose to be celibate. For ace/aro people, asexuality/aromanticism is an intrinsic part of who they are and is not a medical condition. Though the number may be under-reported, it is estimated that around 1% of the population is in the ace and/or aro community.
There are different types of attraction beyond sexual including aesthetic (appreciation of others’ appearances), sensual (desire to engage in sensual activities), and romantic (desire to be romantically involved with others). The split attraction model recognizes that as individuals we can have separate attraction identities. For instance, we could be heteroromantic/sexual, homoromantic/sexual, biromantic/sexual, panromantic/sexual, aromantic/sexual, grayromantic/sexual, demiromantic/sexual (this list is not exhaustive).
For many, discovering and living in their asexuality can feel like a second coming out as they journey through their own preferences and internalization. Questions such as “Am I really asexual?”, “How asexual is enough?” and “Maybe I just haven’t found the right person” may arise. Oftentimes, these questions are the direct result of societal and community pressure/expectations. As mentioned above, asexuality is a spectrum and there’s no “right way” to be ace/aro. Some people may be sex-averse, others may enjoy things like erotic fiction. Some people may desire romantic partners, some people may want close platonic friendships. At the end of the day, all identities and experiences are real and valid, and there’s nothing inherently “wrong” with you.
Some ace and/or aro people feel connected to the LGBTQ+ community, and some people do not. Collectively, our queer community can do a much better job to combat ace/aro erasure and invisibility. We can make stronger efforts towards inclusivity and education. We can listen to people of all identities and fight against the rampant gatekeeping that so often holds us back.
Learn more about The Institute for Equity, Diversity, & Inclusion at Chase Brexton Health Care here: The Institute for EDI | Chase Brexton Health Care
A few definitions:
Asexual: An asexual person does not generally experience sexual attraction or an intrinsic desire for sexual relationships
Aromantic: An aromantic person does not generally experience romantic attraction or an intrinsic desire for romantic relationships
Heteronormativity: The assumption, expectation, and preference of heterosexuality in society
Demisexual/romantic: People who do not feel any general sexual attraction until a close connection is formed
Fraysexual/romantic: People who feel sexual attraction to others, but it will fade as a close connection is formed
Queerplatonic/Quasi-Platonic: A relationship is that not usually romantic or sexual but there is a special emotional connection that exceeds what is often seen as friendship
Amatonormativity: The assumption that romantic relationships are normal, valued, and the societal and personal goal
Allosexual/romantic: Not on the ace/aro spectrum
Sex-averse – a sex stance that describes an individual who is repulsed by the idea of personally engaging in sexual activity. The term is commonly used by asexual spectrum individuals, but is not exclusive to this community
Asexuality/Aromatic Resources and Community Support
The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org
Asexuality: The ascent of the 'invisible' sexual orientation - BBC Worklife
Understanding Asexuality | The Trevor Project
Ace/ Aro Spectrum Definitions - OXFORD UNIVERSITY LGBTQ+ SOCIETY (oulgbtq.org)
Aces and Aros of the Mid-Atlantic – The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (taaap.org)
Embrace | An Asexuality-Focused Animated Short Film - YouTube
14 Asexual Spectrum Identities | Different Ways to Be Ace - YouTube
